Emotionless
by leith
Summary: All she wanted to do was forget it had ever happened. Set during/after Season 10 'Company of Thieves'. SJ
1. Chapter 1

Title: Emotionless  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Stargate doesn't belong to me and I make no money from it

In 'Company of Thieves' after Sam removes the beacon what happens to her in the time it takes to get the transponder to the planet, before she gets taken back to the rest of the crew.

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'There it's out' Sam turned to her captor holding the transponder in her hands, trying to avoid looking at the body of Colonel Emerson still lying lifelessly on the floor.

'Good' replied Anateo without looking at her and gestured towards his lieutenants. One of the men grabbed the box out of her hands and he, with the other men, hurried off command. Anateo turned from where he was staring out of the window and smirked at her.

'There is much more work for you to do still. We damaged this ship quite badly, and so easily. But before that I think we need a little break don't you?'

So quickly she couldn't react he was in front of her, pinning her to the wall; she froze in fear – her training disappearing in one terrified second. All she could feel was his body pressing into hers as the edges of the consoles dug into her back. The stink of his breath as he brought his face closer to hers was overwhelming. Just as suddenly as it had come the panic was over, her reflexes kicking in. She struggled to throw him off using all her strength and every move she knew but his superior weight and leverage gave him too much of an advantage.

Anateo pulled his face away from hers and with a quick, brutal movement smashed her body against the consoles. Dazed she slid down towards the floor. 'You will pay for that' he snarled at her slapping her face hard enough that she tasted blood. Lowering himself over her he kissed her roughly both hands gripping her arms hard to hold her to the floor. She felt his weight pressing her into the floor and turned her head to the side meeting Emerson's dead eyes.

This was it then, she thought. She had managed to avoid this all through her career. Her teammates had always kept her safe and would have protected her with their lives if it had come to it. But it was going to happen out here in space where she was all alone. His hands continued groping down her body grabbing her harshly wherever he wanted, seeming to take joy in the winces of pain which she couldn't help. Sam just lay there trying to stay emotionless and hoping that if she didn't struggle it would just be over.

'I will enjoy this' Anateo whispered in her ear his hands moving to his zip, Sam squeezed her eyes shut and imagined she was somewhere else, anywhere else but here.

'Sir the black box has reached the planet, I…'

Anateo quickly stood up and glared at the man. Sam gasped in the sudden flood of relief. He was off her now all she had to do was keep it that way.

'Very good. Take her back to the holding room until we're ready to begin repairs. And get rid of him,' he said gesturing to the body on the floor.

Sam let herself be dragged to her feet, her legs almost wouldn't hold her up as she was pushed through the corridors. She knew she couldn't let this affect her; she was in charge now and had to be strong for the rest of the crew. None of them had to know what ahd happened, any sadness she showed could just be blamed in the Colonel's death. She had to think of a way out of this and she couldn't do that if she was ruled by her emotions. As she was thrown back into the room though, she couldn't help but let a few tears escape. She was god knows where on a broken ship with none of the people she would usually rely on, she had to depend on herself this time.

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	2. Chapter 2

Let me know if anyone's actually reading this...

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**Chapter 2**

Sam threw her keys onto the sideboard. Shutting her eyes she sagged against the door trying to rub some of the stiffness out of her neck.

*

'_Daniel, Vala'_

'_Hi Sam'_

'_We thought you'd miss us'_

_Sam smiled, relief coursing through her, she wasn't alone any more_

*

She hadn't told either of them what had happened to her, and it hadn't made it into her report. All she wanted to do was forget about it, drive it into a dark corner of her mind and never think about it again; after all she'd had plenty of practice locking her feelings away over the years. Why should this be any different.

Wearily pushing herself away from the door she made her way through to the kitchen, dropping her bag and coat onto the counter before heading straight towards the coffee machine. She didn't want to go to sleep, not yet.

'Heard it was a tough mission' Sam jumped at the voice behind her, spinning round so fast she nearly knocked her mug off the counter, all of her senses on high alert.

'Jumpy aren't we' Jack smirked from where he stood leaning against the door frame.

Sam recovered quickly forcing a smile onto her face,

'Like you said – tough mission. I thought you weren't coming back from Washington 'til the weekend' she replied changing the subject as quickly as she could.

'Managed to finish all my paperwork for once. Thought I'd come and give you a nice surprise'

'Well this is a very nice surprise,'

'Oh it's not just me – I ordered pizza!'

A real smile found its way onto Sam's face. An evening in with pizza, and inevitably beer and Simpsons, sounded like just what she needed.

***

As the credits rolled Sam looked up from where she was tucked against Jack's side on the couch.

'Time for bed?' she asked smiling up at him.

'I think so,' he replied a smile of his own forming before he bent his neck down to gently kiss her. She lost herself in the feeling of his lips on hers as the kiss became more heated. He tangled his fingers in her hair as she stroked his chest.

'I'm glad you came back before the weekend,' she mumbled in between kisses, feeling more relaxed than she had for ages.

'Mmm me too,' Jack replied his hands moving down her back before flipping her so he was lying over her on the sofa. He smiled as he lowered his head towards her again.

Suddenly Sam couldn't breath, couldn't think. She was back there on the ship with Anateo's weight immobilising her. Summoning all of her strength she jerked her body and the weight left her. Hyperventilating wildly she sat up looking for anything she could use to defend herself.

'Sam, Sam!'

Looking around wide eyed in confusion she realised where she was. Jack lay in a heap on the floor, her coffee table had been tipped over and magazines littered the room.

Slowly and tenderly Jack reached out towards her. She sat completely still, arms hugged around her knees as he wrapped her in his arms. Not moving as he pulled her towards himself before turning her chin to look him in the eye.

'What just happened?'

'Nothing, I don't want to talk about it'

'Well you're gonna have to! For one thing I don't particularly want that to be your reaction to me every time I start kissing you.' Jack smiled hoping she would rise even a little to his feeble attempt at humour, but she just stared back at him with blank eyes.

'I said I don't want to talk about it. I just want to… maybe its best if you stay somewhere else tonight,'

'Tell me what's going on Sam!'

Jack fought to keep his voice under control. He couldn't show it, he had to stay calm for her sake, but terror was coursing through him. What had happened to Sam, to _his_ Sam, on that ship when he hadn't been there to protect her. He didn't want to admit to himself what must have caused the outburst. Why raising himself over her body had produced such a violent response.

'Just leave,' was her only reply, barely more than a whisper, before she turned and walked to the bedroom.

Closing the door behind her she collapsed on the bed silent tears running down her face. She couldn't tell him, if she did then that would make it real somehow, mean it wasn't all just a bad dream. As she slowly drifted off into an exhausted sleep she could still see his confused eyes staring at her, begging her to let him help.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I will be trying to update every day if possible

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**Chapter 3**

The loud beeping of an alarm dragged her reluctantly from sleep. Cracking open her eyes she glared at the alarm willing it to turn itself off. Reaching out to press the snooze button – just five more minutes – Sam realised she was still fully dressed. The events of the previous night cam flooding back to her and she couldn't stop a small dejected moan escaping her lips. She knew he wouldn't let this go, and she couldn't exactly avoid him forever, not that she wanted to. Locking herself in her lab could work until the weekend, by then she would think of something. If she got into work as soon as possible he might not even be up yet, he must have slept there last night after she threw him out.

Sam quickly showered and changed before making her way through to the living room to tidy up the mess she'd caused the night before. As she stepped into the room she was surprised to see the coffee table had been righted, all her journals neatly piled and the pizza boxes and bottles had disappeared. What surprised her most though were the tufts of grey hair sticking out the top of the blanket where Jack was lying fast asleep on the sofa.

A small smile formed on her lips before she could stop herself. She always loved how he looked when he was in a deep sleep, so innocent and almost vulnerable.

'You're up early,' the blanket mumbled. Ok maybe not as fast asleep as she had thought.

'Got to get into work,' Sam replied shortly, her smile instantly vanishing, and turned to leave.

'No you don't, I called them last night and said you weren't feeling very well. You've go the whole day off to spend with me.' Jack pushed the blanket off and sat up on the sofa still blinking sleepily.

'I feel fine; I'm going in to work.' No way could she hold out for a whole day, if he pushed she would tell him everything and Sam didn't think she could cope with that at the moment.

Jack stared at her for a moment before springing to his feet. 'I'll drive you just give me a few minutes to get ready.'

He walked out of the room pausing to drop a gentle kiss on her forehead.

'And don't think of trying to leave without me, I hid your car keys,' He called out as he walked down the corridor.

'Didn't I throw you out last night?' she asked his retreating back.

***

The drive went in silence. Sam had searched in vain for her keys, eventually giving in and allowing herself to be driven. The only alternative would have been to call Daniel for a lift which would have lead to even more questions starting with why Jack was even at her house and working up from there.

For his part Jack didn't know how to broach the subject. Somehow he didn't think 'tell me what happened' would work. He was hoping that if he spent enough time around her she would eventually give in. They were meant to tell each other everything after all. On the other hand he knew how stubborn she could be. He needed to make her see that the only way to get through this was talking but he didn't think it would be easy.

Last night he couldn't believe it when she had told him to leave. There was no way he could let her stay in the house alone after what had just happened. In a daze he had tidied the room then made himself up a bed on the sofa. Trying to block from his mind what had just happened, what it meant. Tossing and turning on the couch he had realised part of what she was going through, if he couldn't even bear to think about what _might_ have happened to her then how could she ever think about it?

At the base they split up to get changed in their respective locker rooms. Sam decided that this was her chance to get to her lab, lock the door and put up a force field. As she left the locker room she almost expected Jack to be there waiting for her and was surprised to feel a pang of disappointment when he wasn't. She hurried down to her lab and shut herself in before letting out a deep sigh and turning to her latest experiment.

***

Jack sat in the commissary going over every report from the last mission that he could find. Hoping that somewhere in there was a clue. Sam had been separated from the rest of the crew for much of the time Prometheus had been captured. Anything could have happened! He felt the panic welling up inside him again, he should have been there! Logically he knew that was a ridiculous thought, most likely he would have ended up dead like Emerson but he still felt as though he had let her down.

Throwing down his fork he gave a frustrated sigh, the reports weren't telling him anything except that there were hours in which almost anything could have been done to his Colonel. There was only one way he was going to get any answers.

***

'Open this door Colonel Carter, that is a direct order!'

Sam stared in disbelief at the entrance to her lab; he did not just order her to let him in. But the noise of him banging on the door was soon going to attract attention and explaining why he was trying to break down her door could be difficult.

Making sure her face looked just about as angry as possible she unlocked the door and yanked it open.

'We're talking about this,' Jack brushed past her into the room and sat on her chair before crossing his arms and facing her, determined not to leave without an answer.

Sam shut the door and looked at him steadily. 'There's nothing to talk about.'

Jack seemed to sag then and dropped his eyes to the floor, all his bravado disappearing.

'Sam – at the moment, I can only imagine what happened to you. What I do know is that you have to tell someone about it. I would have hoped that that someone could be me.'

All her angry retorts died on her lips at his words as he raised his eyes to meet hers again and she saw the raw feelings there. Her hands began shaking the tremors spreading through her body until she felt like she was going to fall apart. Jack stood up and tenderly led her to a chair before taking both her hands in his. The feeling of his large warm hands enclosing hers centred her and she looked up into his dark brown eyes.

'Tell me what happened,' but all Sam could do was shake her head and let her gaze fall again.

'Please, tell me' he repeated,

'If I don't talk about it I can deal with it. I'm fine, I'm going to be fine, I just need to, to get myself under control and it will all be alright,' she choked out in a small voice.

Even to her own ears she sounded like she was desperately trying to convince herself.

'Sam after everything we've been through, I told you I'd always be here for you and I meant it!'

'I couldn't stop him, I should have been able to but I couldn't'

Jacks heart almost broke at her words

'It's not your fault, whatever happened it _isn't_ your fault, but I have to know to help you.'

'No!' Sam shouted pushing away from him, feeling overwhelmed, 'I can deal with this, just leave me alone!'

Shocked, Jack let himself be forced out of her lab and found himself staring at her door. From inside he could hear muffled sobs but he couldn't get in to comfort her. Sinking to the floor with his back against the door he struggled to control his own tears. He decided there and then that they would get through this; they had come too far to give up now. But right at that moment he just couldn't see how.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks again for everyone's reviews :)

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**Chapter 4**

Daniel rounded the corner and was surprised to see Jack O'Neill sitting on the floor outside Sam's lab, seemingly asleep. As he approached the older man's eyes slowly opened to glare at him before his expression softened slightly.

'Daniel,'

'Jack,'

'How's it going?'

'Why are you on the floor outside Sam's lab?'

'Why not?'

Daniel paused for a moment waiting for Jack to realise why shat he'd said was slightly ridiculous. Jack just looked at him, his face a carefully crafted picture of innocence.

'You do realise it's almost midnight?'

'Yes, why are you still here Daniel?'

'I'm working on a translation but I need Sam's help with something a bit technical… Is she in there?'

'She was last time I checked,'

'Which was…'

'About 13 hours ago.'

'And you've been sitting here that whole time.'

'Yes.'

'Riiight,' Daniel knew there was something going on between the two officers – who didn't, but sitting outside her lab for the entire day seemed a bit extreme, even for Jack.

'Well can I go in there?' Jack just shrugged causing Daniel to frown even more. He reached out and knocked tentatively on the door but received no answer.

'Sam, its me, Daniel,' still no answer. Daniel looked down at the general still sitting in the doorway. Reaching into his pocket Daniel pulled out his key card and swiped it through the reader. Nothing happened, not that he had really expected it to. Jack wasn't as stupid as he made out, he wouldn't have sat outside a door for 13 hours if he could have gotten in.

He decided to try and get to the bottom of what the hell was going on and slid down the door to join Jack on the floor.

'So…'

'So… How was the last mission?'

'Oh the usual, we all got captured, we all escaped, beat a few bad guys, you know how it goes.'

Jack nodded wondering how far he could push this without Daniel getting suspicious.

'Nothing out of the ordinary then?'

'Nooo, why?'

'No reason.' Daniel still looked sceptical but he knew better than to force the issue.

'How long are you planning on sitting here?'

'However long I need to,'

'Ok well I'm going to go back and carry on translating, let me know how this goes.'

'Sure thing,' Jack watched Daniel walk away, looking back several times, then shut his eyes again resting his head against the door, which swung inwards tipping him onto the floor.

***

Sam sat in her lab listening to the conversation taking place outside her door. For an awful minute she had thought Jack was going to tell Daniel about how she had panicked. Had it really been thirteen hours? Every time she had though about leaving she had heard small tell-tale noises outside the door. She hadn't managed to get anything done all day, every time she started something she had ended up staring into space wondering what the hell she was doing, pushing away the one person she could always rely on.

Making up her mind she stood up and opened the door. This couldn't go on for another god knows how many hours.

***

Jack found himself staring up into Sam's beautiful blue eyes, set into a face which seemed far paler then usual. Reaching down she grasped his hand and helped him to his feet before leading him down the corridor.

'Where…' Jack began but she silenced him with a glare and pulled him through the silent base until they finally reached her quarters.

Entering she sat on the edge of her bed and looked at him nervously. Jack joined her sitting close but not quite touching her.

'They killed Emerson,'

Jack nodded but didn't say anything; he would let her get as far with this as she could without interrupting. Sam looked up and met his eyes properly, shocked at the struggling emotions she saw on his face, she was thrown for a few moments. She had meant to fob him of, hope that she could convince him that the death of Colonel Emerson was enough to screw with her head. She knew he wouldn't believe her - they had both seen too much death in their time - but she had hoped that it would be enough for him to drop the issue, at least for a while.

But after what she saw in his face, something opened inside her and everything came spilling out. Everything she had wanted to box away and never tell anyone. Faster and faster until she was sure he couldn't understand her any more. Jack sat there stock still the whole time just looking at her.

'I just felt so, helpless, I never want to feel like that again. I'm always in control but then he was in control and there was nothing I could do.'

Then she couldn't stop it, the tears which had been threatening all day forced themselves out, choking her throat. So quietly, mumbled into his shoulder so he almost missed it she said one last sentence which broke him,

'I was alone, I don't want to be alone.'

As Jack held her tighter than he could ever remember tears leaked down his own cheeks. He hadn't been there to save her. None of the team had.

A long time later her breathing slowed and evened out. Carefully he removed her boots and overshirt before divesting himself of the same. Lovingly he settled her under the covers then climbed into bed with her, pulling close and vowing to never let her go.

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There's about two chapters of this left but updating might be a bit unpredictible for the next little while.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally updated, sorry for the wait. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to review.

A bit of light relief in the middle of all this angst.

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**Chapter 5**

General Landry sat in the briefing room alternately looking at his watch and tapping his pen impatiently on the table. He had been informed that General O'Neill was in town and apparently Major Davis had arranged for a briefing on the current state of Homeworld security, scheduled for over half an hour ago.

In front of Landry sat most of SG-1. General Landry thought it strange that Sam wasn't there – he couldn't remember the last time she hadn't been punctual.

Then again he had been hearing some rumours about those two… he rapidly shut down that train of thought, he did _not_ want to think about exactly what could make them late in that situation. Enough was enough.

'Right that's it. Mitchell, Daniel go and find General O'Neill and Major Carter and drag both of them up here. The log shows they haven't left the base so they can't be that hard to find!'

Both men quickly rose and left the briefing room looking worried, if it was just Jack they wouldn't be concerned but Sam was never late.

Daniel thought back to their strange behaviour the day before, he knew that they had both eventually left her lab. He'd stopped by there earlier in the morning to ask her why she'd locked herself in but there was no sign of either of them.

Cameron and Daniel made their way down to the officer quarters, the general had been known to oversleep on occasion.

'You take Sam's room and I'll go check the visitor room,' Cam told Daniel.

Reaching Sam's room Daniel knocked loudly on the door and heard a soft 'ssh' come form the other side.

'Sam?' he questioned through the door quietly.

There was no answer, getting more concerned by the minute he called out that he was coming in and opened the door. Then he froze, standing in the doorway with his is mouth wide open. There in the bed were Jack and Sam very definitely wrapped around each other. Sam was fast asleep but Jack appeared to be slowly waking up – he was obviously the one who had hushed Daniel.

Jack blinked blearily at him looking very confused.

'Why are you in my room?'

'This isn't your room. It's Sam's. On base.'

'Oh' Jack seemed unconcerned by this revelation and pulled Sam closer to his body.

Looking closer Daniel realised that at least both of them seemed to be dressed which was a blessing, he didn't think his mind could cope with seeing them naked in bed together.

Cam came jogging down the corridor towards him 'There's no sign of General O'Neill in the guest quarters, doesn't look like anyone slept there last night. You found Sam?'

Daniel tried to yank the door shut but his reflexes weren't quick enough and Cam pushed past him before he too froze just inside the room.

'Oh,' he turned to Daniel as if looking for confirmation that they were seeing the same thing.

'Yeah'

'Why is everyone suddenly appearing in my room?' Jack grouched, finally sitting up as gently as possible so as not to disturb Sam.

'You have a briefing scheduled for nearly 45 minutes ago' Cam replied snapping to attention and looking anywhere but the bed.

Jack looked down at the blond head beside him then up at the two men. Daniel you stay here and keep an eye on Sam. Cam go and tell Hank that I'll be there in ten minutes.

'Sam's meant to be at the briefing too,' Cameron pointed out,

'She's sleeping in today,'

'I'm also meant to be there,' put in Daniel

'I'll catch you up later, you are going to sit in this room and not move until I get back – understand?'

Daniel nodded confused; whatever was going on here was obviously more complicated than he had guessed. Jack shooed Mitchell out of the room then went into the small bathroom to get changed whilst Daniel sat down and the desk.

In record time Jack was in his uniform and gently kissed Sam on the forehead before throwing a glance at Daniel and leaving hurriedly.

***

Sam gradually came back to consciousness reaching across the bed to pull Jack closer to her, but there was nothing there except blankets.

Opening her eyes she saw the empty half of the bed and her mind started panicking, why had he left, did he not want her now, did he… She told herself to stop being stupid. Jack would never leave her – he had promised.

Opening her eyes again she looked around the room and was surprised to see Daniel sitting at her desk looking puzzled whilst reading one of scientific journals.

'What the hell?' she didn't realise she'd spoken out loud until Daniel looked up at her.

'That's pretty much what I've been thinking,' he replied, 'I find you and Jack in bed together and then he tells me to sit here and not move, which I have done for nearly two hours. What the hell pretty much sums it up.'

'Where is Ja…General O'Neill?' she stuttered.

Daniel smiled slightly at her embarrassment, 'At a briefing, he'll be back soon. You slept very late. In the mean time you can explain to me, one of your closest friends, what is going on.'

***

By the time Jack got back Sam had told Daniel about how they had been seeing each other ever since they were reassigned.

He still wasn't completely satisfied though. It explained why they were in bed together but not why they were practically fully dressed and still on base, or why he was babysitting her.

He had expected her to tell him he could leave if he wanted, or to insist on joining the briefing or at least go to her lab, but she seemed anxious to keep the conversation with him going, as if she didn't want to be left alone.

He guessed it had something to do with why Jack had been sat outside her lab for hours. Maybe it would be easier to get it out of him; Sam was incredibly good at avoiding questions.

Eventually Jack returned with Cam, Vala and Teal'c in tow. All three were concerned about Sam – lie-ins weren't really her thing. But she assured them all that she was absolutely fine.

All three were obviously bursting to ask what was going on but none of them appeared willing to ask out right.

Sam looked at each of their faces and sighed, 'Jack and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We'd appreciate it if you'd keep it to yourselves.'

Vala and Cam both moved to congratulate Sam whilst Teal'c glared at Jack enough to make him very uncomfortable before also offering his congratulations.

Jack checked his watch then turned to Sam,

'Listen, I've gotta have several meetings with lots of incredibly interesting people which will take up most of the day. But how bout I come find you for dinner around five?'

Sam nodded smiling and stood up to leave too. 'I really can't sit in my room all day. I'll see you at five.

They seemed unsure how to say goodbye in front of their friends so just nodded at each other before everyone left the room and went their separate ways. Four of them with lots to gossip and wonder about.

**

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